Lately I have been hearing that more and more sex therapists are considering having some of their patients try the swinging lifestyle.
I am surprised to hear this as I have always been under the impression that sex therapists totally disapproved of swinging. Even today, Dr. Ruth, Dr. Laura, and Dr. Phil condemn the lifestyle. But then again they are catering to a huge audience and are directed towards mainstream America. We don't know there real agenda, but walk into any bookstore and you will see dozens of books being written about swinging and magazine articles from sex therapist.
While surfing the Internet, I ran into a question and answer forum run by a sex therapist. Visitors to the site could send in their questions in hopes of getting an answer from a professional. The title of the question that caught my attention was "Fantasizing about foursomes."
The writer was a young man, 22 years old who asked if there would be any problem for him and his girlfriend, also 22, to engaged in shared sex with another couple. They said that they knew the couple well and that they wanted to invite them to join them at their home, but that they felt that they would accept their offer. His main concern was what emotional fallout might occur afterwards.
The online therapist responded by telling him the story of Pandora's box and how much trouble you could get into by opening a box or a door to something that should be left well enough alone. The advice he was given was to be sure that being with another couple was really what him and his girlfriend wanted to do. Being excited about sharing sex with another couple and actually doing it are two different things. He was told that some couples could successfully delve into sex with others, but that each partner must feel very secure, secure to the point that seeing their partner enjoying another person does not give them a teeter-totter experience -- one goes up while the other goes down. It was also recommended that before they took the leap, to discuss their rules ahead of time and to state their limits very precisely.
The young man told the therapist that he and his girlfriend had agreed to no vaginal intercourse, but nothing else. The therapist said it shouldn't end there. He said that rule in itself points raise concerns about certain behavior eroding the bond between him and his girlfriend. He told him that if they decided to go forward that he should be prepared for the consequences. The therapist went on to mention that for many people, some fantasies are best left as fantasies. At least a fantasy allows action without consequences, which in turn will allow them to have wilder fantasies. He told him that there is a possibility that one of them may feel that the other enjoyed the sex with other people too much. Ending his response, the young man was told that sex could be addictive after you get a taste of out-of-relationship sex. It can lead to a strong desire for even wilder experiences.
Although this particular therapist is not strongly supporting swinging, I have to agree with some of his main points of advice. Swinging is not for everyone. It really does take a certain degree of maturity to handle seeing your loved one have sex with another person. Whether you are 21 or 61, it doesn't matter. You have to communicate with your significant other before you take the plunge. Set definite rules before you do anything so that there won't be any misunderstandings afterward. Once you set your rules, you should never deviate from them no matter what situation you may end up in. If you find that you desire change in your rules, discuss it with your partner first -- always be on the same page.
What I disagree with is that the therapist suggested that one of them could enjoy sex more with another person being a negative. If you had sex with someone who does some things different or better than your significant other what does that mean? Do couples say things like, "his cock was way better than yours" or "I liked her tits more than yours." In all my years of swinging my partner and I have never made these sorts of comparisons about our lovers. If anything, we discuss how they did something just a little different that we could do to each other that would enhance our sex life.
Swinging is about variety and most couples do not think in the context of good sex, bad sex -- just sex.
