I've read tons of articles and sorted through twice as many forums regarding how to get your female partner to swing. And the advice is the same -- don't pressure her, communicate your feelings and trust, and be patient. Well, as a woman, I can attest that doesn't make the cut. There is no how to get your wife to sexually share herself or her partner. But there is a why she is disinclined to extra-marital sexual exploration, and this understanding of female psychology will opens doors between the both of you.
We can blame much of mainstream sexual morality on the Victorians. If you recall, these were the people under the rule of prim and proper Queen Victoria. During her reign, citizens were expected to cover their tables with long tablecloths, so as to prevent a man from noticing the table's legs. It might lead him to imagine a woman's legs! And the clothes were even more oppressive. Women wore collars up to their chins. During the time, many western Europeans were relocating to America, taking their cultures and ideologies with them.
So here we are now, in this post-Victorian society. The values of the era still cripple us -- the myth of monogamy, virginity, and missionary positions. Your wife is, most likely affected by these outmoded beliefs because they are spread by the media. And what's more confusing to women is sexy images of women are also circulated the same way. Put these two ideas in one commercial, and it can drive a woman crazy!
As a result, a woman may be torn between envisioning herself as a virtuous or a dirty. And if the media isn't enough, she may have been raised with the notion that men, in particular, make these distinctions when considering a partner. So add all these factors into the mix, and we get a complex. This complex is the most likely culprit for your wife's reluctance to swing.
This dilemma could be the foundation for many of your wife's insecurities. It's almost inescapable. In many commercials that you see on TV featuring baby products, e.g., wipes, diapers, and lotion, advertisers present a constant struggle between the "mother look" and the "sexy look". Much like a woman in a short skirt and high heels pushing a stroller. These are prime examples of this complex. What do these images say to you? And more importantly, what are do they say to your wife?
A woman with this complex isn't sure how to feel about herself, including her sexuality, in relation to the world, much less her spouse. How is your spouse supposed to be sexy and be a mother to your children? How is she supposed to spend our hours having wild sex with a man and still be respected in the morning? And how is your wife going to engage in group sex and still be honored for her fidelity? These are things that she will consider in making any sexual decision.
So if you're hung up on how to get her to agree, stop right there because the effort will take the wind out of your sails. It's ultimately up to her, and she'll continue to say no until she feels sexually liberated.
Hopefully it's only a matter of time before she frees herself enough to swing. But even if she continues to decline, with your renewed understanding you and your partner will experience a satiable upsurge in your sex life.
